Fin.

Hello!

How are you holding up under the Coronavirus? My dad says that the world is going to change -- to be fair, he's probably right about that. Also, about the title -- it's the end of my journey as a Sixth-Former. Barring some sort of miracle, tomorrow will be the final day of Year 13. Why? Because exams are cancelled. I will still do blogs (I have a big one lined up for the summer, assuming current events don't interrupt it).

The sort of miracle that would be needed to get exams back on track

It's been a hectic month, mostly because of the virus. The start of term has been a usual start, barring the increasing concern over coronavirus. I had a haircut last week, ostensibly for the next social. The theme was going to be movie and TV characters - - I was going to go as the Doctor. Specifically, the ninth, who has very short hair. Though the social has been cancelled, as everything else has.Another thing that was cancelled was the Youth Weekend Away; I would have been doing a blog about the Youth Weekend Away, on Sunday, if not for the corona virus.

First Doctor of the revival era

As everything's on lockdown, I'll probably be spending the next few weeks working on school-work from home, which the teachers will email us. Though A-Levels and GCSEs have been cancelled. Grades will probably be determined with our predicted grades; that hopefully puts me on solid ground, as my predicted grades are Bs across the board. If I don't get the required grades for Reading, I'll re-take Year 13; I have friends in the year below, so I won't be too lonely.

Tomorrow's my final day of Year 13, assuming I don't repeat next year. This morning my year had an assembly to talk about what would be happening; after, people were hugging and saying goodbye. Lots of tears were shed. And I had things I wanted to say, to some people. I wasn't brave enough to do it face to face, so I'll do it here. Even though not many in my year will probably read this. I won't identify people, but some of you weren't kind to me in Year 11, when I was being bullied, when I was suffering heart-break. Some of you mocked me, made fun of me for things outside of my control. When I was being bullied, some of you were onlookers, directly witnessing the bullies' behaviour, yet you never told them to stop. You never stepped in or considered that, for me, it might not be 'harmless fun' or a simple rivalry. Other people latched onto the mistakes I made when I was young and stupid, and have never trusted me since. You refuse to acknowledge that I've changed, that I feel genuinely remorseful for those actions, despite the fact that I haven't repeated those actions. But what I say to all of that is that I forgive you. I want to forgive you. And I'm not saying that to prove I'm the 'better person', or to guilt you into apologising. I forgive you, because I genuinely want to be on good terms with people. And I apologise for the things I've done that have upset others -- I know I've done a lot of that. It's weird for me to say, because I'm just another person, but I care about every person in my year. You're all fantastic, in one way or another. Several of you have been my closest friends during the last seven years. During my happier moments in year 10 and year 11, I've appreciated the beautiful, human randomness of my year group. I'll miss you in university, or wherever else I wind up.

Last picture as a form group (Year 13 only)

The world is changing, both for me personally (no more school, three months early) and on a global scale. One of my friends thinks that the main outcome of the outbreak will be economic collapse -- he's probably right, as I don't think an outbreak of a virus will bring much political change. I don't know what it looks like on the other side, either the other side of the outbreak or starting at university. For the outbreak, I quote that master of wisdom, Gandalf the Grey (or white, if you prefer).

Geared up and ready for the siege of Minas Tirith 

[In response to Frodo saying that he wishes he didn't have to be alive during the War of the Ring] "So do I, and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." Look after yourselves, and don't worry; it won't be forever. Also, if anyone reading my blog is either panic-buying or considering panic-buying -- don't worry. It probably won't even be 2 years, let alone 5 decades.

Regarding going to university, I thought about a quote from either Doctor Who or Harry Potter, about accepting change. Unfortunately, I can't remember what the quote is. So I'm going to reveal a secret about myself -- my biggest fear is change -- specifically, the world changing but me remaining static. I'm terrified that the world will go on, my friends will grow up, go to university, have families -- but I won't, and that they'll forget me. And I'm unsure of changing -- I don't know what I'll be when I'm finished, and that terrifies me. So with insight into my worst fear, I'd say to not be worried. I talked to a friend, a while ago, discussing how I felt about going to university, and what they said makes a lot of sense; because they said, in essence, that change won't be so big that there is no sense of normalcy left. There's always something remaining that is familiar. That will be the case for me, and others, at university. I also think that it'll be like that when the virus has died down. The world will have changed, but there will still be fragments of normalcy. 

Also, as the closer to a somewhat melancholy post, I wanted to make a point about something utterly baffling. When I was in Year 6, I was in Africa for much of the academic year. In March of that year, a civil war broke out and my family had to stay in a hallway for five days before being evacuated in a military convoy to an airport. Now that I'm in my final year of secondary school, another tragic and world-shaking event has occurred (though obviously, the coronavirus outbreak is much more global than a civil war). For added strange factor, the outbreak has shut down my school -- and therefore ended Year 13 early -- only eight days before the anniversary of the outbreak of civil war in CAR.