Tuesday, 31 December 2024

2024: A Summary

 Hello, everyone!

It has been a long year for me, but a good year! Overall, not as intense as last year, which has been very nice. This year has been a big one for me as a fan of Brandon Sanderson: he published a new book, Wind and Truth, on December 6th - the final book of the first half of the Stormlight Archive! Stormlight is set in a shared universe called the Cosmere, and I spent the ten months before Wind and Truth rereading every single book Brandon's released which is set in the Cosmere. It took a lot of time, and required substantial planning to ensure I started and finished at the right times, but it was enjoyable! This year also saw me finally finish my academic career and start looking for a job! Stressful times... I actually observed to Granny recently: I would have had mock exams in 2018 and 2019 during A-Levels, and possibly during GCSEs as well. So this is the first time in six, maybe even seven or eight years that I haven't had assignments and work to do over the Christmas holidays! (Which has been lovely, by the way!

January
January 2024 was pretty busy but fun! One of the highlights for me was visiting Neve and Huw. Uncle Will takes part in a local pantomime, and I decided to go visit so I could watch the pantomime. it was a performance of Sleeping Beauty - it was great! Will played his role very well - he played the king. (At the end of the show, they addressed relatives of the actors, Neve and Huw got to be Princess Neve and Prince Huw!) I enjoyed getting to spend time with my cousins, who are as adorable as ever.
A lowlight of January was looking for housing...it's so difficult to find anywhere. Everyone either already has plans, or hasn't yet started making plans. So that was fun...

My good friend Micah was pied in the face at CU as part of a Promise Auction. (He played my son/nephew in the murder mystery party!)


February
February was a pretty busy month! I had a lot of coursework to do - specifically for a module called This Writing Life, where I had to create a portfolio of different types of writing, such as interviews, book reviews, or, well, blogs! It was fun, but intense!
One of the highlights of February was actually connected to this: one of the pieces I decided to include in the portfolio was an interview of my parents, discussing the Thames Walk they did back in November. Namely, I started the interview by asking how the walk was, and my dad somehow forgot the purpose of the interview: his response was "What walk?" (The rest of the interview went well - though I didn't end up using the interview material in the portfolio, I couldn't discuss enough about it to justify its inclusion.)
I also discovered Victoria Aveyard's Realm Breaker series in February; I absolutely loved it! Very much recommend it!
A lowlight was, once again, being single on 14th February...not really! I don't know if I really had a lowlight for February, to be honest. It was busy, and it got stressful at times, but I had a good time.

Rainbow view from the university library

March
March...had its ups and downs. I guess it was kinda...average uni life. Impending deadlines, lots of assignments. Word Alive did get cancelled (permanently, apparently), which was very sad. The CU did our own little thing, a CU getaway in Essex, which was fun! Downside: I (accidentally) went cold-turkey on antidepressants the weekend before, so I was not much fun to be around the first couple of days. But other than that, I had a good time, and I enjoyed spending time with CU friends. (It was also my one and only time being able to go to a CU getaway...)
We did a karaoke night, I think the penultimate evening? That was great, though I only had the courage to do one song (and barely audibly, as well!) Looking back, I wish I'd been braver - especially as one of my friends, who's super shy, had the confidence to go up on stage and do a rousing chorus of Let It Go from Frozen.
I started my Brandon Sanderson reread in March, as well, which I enjoyed! Got off to a good start with the three Secret Projects which came out in 2023! I also got to spend the Easter holidays (after the getaway) with Granny and Tessa down in Devon, always a highlight! (I forgot my antihistamines, which now means that, whenever I visit Devon, Granny texts me a day or two before to say "Remember your antihistamines!!") Pet allergies suck when you're an animal-lover. (Has that actually come up in my blog yet? Probably came up at some point since getting Oreo.)

CU getaway!

April
April picked up where March left off, in Devon, getting to spend time with Granny and my great-aunts and great-uncle Bob. (And Pippa, Tessa, and Marvin, of course!
I very much enjoyed spending time with Granny and my great-aunts, it was very fun! However, my parents went to Rome part-way through April, while I stayed in Devon. I definitely had a good time, though it would have been nice to go to Rome as well. (Especially as Kylie, an old family friend, lives in Rome, along with her fiancee. I am, to date, the only immediate member of my family to have not met her fiancee, who's called Riccardo.)
However! Another highlight of April was hosting meals for several friends, which was great! I really enjoyed having my friends round, and I enjoyed getting to show off my culinary skills. 
I also visited the Natural History Museum with a friend, the future Doctor Caleb Miller, which was very enjoyable! I appreciated the opportunity to spend time with him and just hang out, it was nice!

Scenic Dartmoor! I love this picture, it looks like the wisps of cloud and fog are fighting!

May
In May, I started work (in earnest) on my Master's dissertation, which ended up being titled An Exploration of Dualities and Representation in Science Fiction and Fantasy. (Wordy, I know!) 
I guess that's both a highlight and a lowlight of the month. On the one hand, I'm weird, and I enjoy undertaking challenging writing. On the other hand, dissertation-writing is pretty stressful, especially when you're trying to figure out how to actually start the thing. (My method was to write out everything of Eleventh Interval that I'd already planned, then decide what could stay as part of the dissertation.)
Another highlight of the month was going into Henley-on-Thames with a couple of friends, which was very nice! They're both really lovely people, and I don't see a lot of them, so it was good to spend time with them. (As it happens, one of them, Anna, is also friends with Karys - they met when Karys went on a Scouts trip to Madagascar a few years ago!)

Me with Anna (middle) and Emma (far left)!
June
One of June's biggest highlights was the murder mystery party!! I had a lot of fun arranging and hosting it, and I was very happy that my friends had a good time as well. In fact, I enjoyed planning it so much that I decided to write it as a murder mystery story! (Once I'm done with Eleventh Interval, of course.)
I also enjoyed celebrating Neve's seventh birthday - they grow up so fast! I love getting to spend time with my cousins, they're very adorable little children. On the other hand, they can be pretty stressful...at one point, we were duelling with plastic golf clubs on a trampoline, which I will concede wasn't the best idea. I accidentally clobbered Huw on the head, which was bad enough...but he was unhurt, and so he decided that he wanted to continue swinging golf clubs while bouncing up and down. (I passed, naturally.) 
June also saw a gradual separation as people started moving away from Reading, which was sad. I did get to see people - the CU held a leavers' picnic, and a group of my friends got together in the middle of June to have one last night out together. It's still sad, though - time wears on and everything ends, eventually. 

CU picnic - me with the current CU presidents!
July
July was a busy month, between job applications and dissertation.
I did finally manage to find a new house, which was nice! Bit of a mixed bag, in a way. My housemates are both very lovely people, and I do like them. But they're also very busy all the time, so I don't (and didn't) see a lot of them. End result was, I felt quite lonely for much of July, and I wasn't in a great place mentally. On the other hand, I did land an interview for a really awesome job as a library assistant at a local school...but didn't get the job itself. Which made me feel actually heart-broken. (Actual rejections in the romantic-relationship sense have hurt less!)
On the other other hand (for real, this time), I visited Granny again in July! I had a great time, even though the weather was not so sunny. I especially enjoyed climbing up Rippon Tor with Granny, Sally, and the dogs - I love a good hike on the moors. Devon in general is a great place for walking - especially if you have energetic dogs like spaniels or lurchers. 

"Energetic", in lurchers' cases - this is Pippin after a long holiday in Devon!





A view of the moors, with Granny, Sally, Pippa, and Tessa

August
Sadly, I was still a bit lonely for most of August, with people either away or busy. I spent most of August cooped up inside my room, looking for jobs, writing my dissertation, and trying to not procrastinate. (Oh, and this was when my computer issues started - with a month left to go until my dissertation was due!)
On the other hand, I did go to Stratford-upon-Avon with Josh at the end of August, which was loads of fun!! I really enjoyed spending time with Josh and exploring Stratford, and we had a good time learning more about the life and times of Shakespeare. (I was scandalised to learn that somebody actually dug up the Bard's skull!)
One of the highlights of Stratford was seeing an authentic Shakespeare play with Josh. We saw The Merry Wives of Windsor, which was brilliant. Not one I've seen before, so I enjoyed the opportunity to broaden my Shakespearean horizons. (As an aside, one of the characters in the play looked and sounded like one of my university friends. I won't name names, but suffice it to say that it made the play very interesting!)
Josh is one of my closest friends, it was very lovely to spend time with him. He's always there when I need him the most, and I'm very lucky to have him in my life. (Fun fact, my protagonist's brother is based heavily on Josh! The protagonist is based heavily on me, so make of that what you will!)

Me and my bro outside Shakespeare's birthplace!

September
September saw me finally submit my dissertation. Hooray! I actually managed to get it in a couple of days before the deadline, so I got to spend some time relaxing. I celebrated by having a meal out with my parents and Josh (naturally), and Abi, who's another very dear friend of mine. So finishing my dissertation, and celebrating with friends and family, was a definite highlight of September. I also got to see Sally - she visited Eynsham for a bit, so I rushed home to visit as well. It was very nice to see her, and to see Pippa, who is as adorable as ever.
As for lowlights...I dunno, really. The job-hunting has continued to be stressful. (And annoying! I have submitted seven applications to the University of Reading. All of them have been rejected!)
I was also still having computer problems, though they were somewhat more manageable by this point, as I no longer had dissertation deadlines to worry about.

Spaniel at rest, if you can believe it! (Pippa's actually a very calm dog, for a spaniel.)


Though really, apart from finishing my dissertation, subsequent celebrations, and seeing Sally, I don't suppose there's a lot to talk about in September. So I have the perfect opportunity to showcase The Eleventh Interval!
Behold: the first couple of paragraphs of the prologue! (I shouldn't get in trouble for sharing anything, even if my dissertation is the intellectual property of the university - I actually wrote this section after submitting my dissertation!)

Prologue

The shadows of this world conceal many secrets and ghosts. Civilisations have risen over the ages, banishing the cold and the dark. Humanity cocoons itself in light, believing that this chases away fear. The truth is far more complicated. This universe was born in chaos, elemental forces clashing and driving apart, boiling out and shrinking inwards. The echoes of this war persist, felt most keenly during times of great change and upheaval. Nameless forces yearn for freedom, trapped for the moment but slowly rippling across the world. Tendrils of power seep around the planet, watching and waiting. Soon…

One of these tendrils lurks in shadows outside a crowded cinema, taking an almost-human form. Watching as a young couple leaves the cinema, laughing and chatting. The tendril snaps to attention, alert, as it sees the young man. Tall and wiry, dark-haired and tan, piercing golden eyes. The mark of one who sees beyond the here and now, perceiving what could have been, what will be, what must never be. Almost as soon as it perceives him, he perceives it, turning to look directly into the shadowed street where it lurks. It melts into darkness, slipping into the cracks of the world. Undeterred, unphased, satisfied. Withdrawing across the surface of the continent, it streaks over mountains and jungles, through caverns unexplored and long-drowned beaches. It passes over darkness untamed and cradles of civilisation alike, watching a continent writhe in chaos and disorder, finally coming to rest in a dim and gloomy cave, where shadows dapple the walls, and ethereal lights glimmer at its centre. Restless powers turn away from the world, looking inwards and contemplating what will be, and their opportunity for freedom.



I also tried taking up drawing cats. (Heavy emphasis on "tried" - I'm leaving the art to Karys in the future!)

October
October started off with a lowlight...Sally had a heart attack and spent a fair chunk of time in the hospital. That was very stressful and worrying. Honestly, it could be a lowlight for the whole year. It very much hits home...older relatives seem invincible, even (and especially) once they're older, because they've been around for the entire time you've existed, and you have no frame of reference for them not being there. Though Sally is out of the hospital and doing a lot better now, so that's good. 
I have gotten into the habit of writing letters to Granny and Sally and Jenny, which is a very nice way to keep in contact - especially because they're from a generation before texting or emails, so they appreciate a good old-fashioned letter. (My gran and great-aunts are literal Baby Boomers, as it happens. And, incidentally, living proof that the Baby Boomers, as with every other generation, have their good eggs and their bad eggs.)
Onr of the biggest highlights of October, for me, happened right at the end of the month (fittingly). Two of my friends got ENGAGED!!! Super exciting, and I'm very, very happy for them!! (As I commented to them when the news came out, I'd been waiting on it for about a year!) All going well, the wedding will be in June, and I am thrilled! (I tried to persuade my friends to give everyone in the wedding party (and me) titles, like Maid of Horticulture...but I don't think they've taken me up on that. Still get to bake for them, though!)
Overall, I'd say that if Sally having a heart attack was one of the lowlights of the year...my friends getting engaged was one of the highlights. That's life, it can sometimes be the most bewildering mixed bag.

The happy couple!! This photo is not from October, but it's still a beautiful picture!




Incidentally, pretty much all of the photos I actually took in October are pet pictures. So enjoy a loaf of Oreo.
November
In November, I was heartlessly abandoned. (My entire immediate family happened to be away during my birthday: my mum teaching in Bournemouth, my dad in Africa, Karys also in Africa on sabbatical...) So Abi and a few others very kindly organised a get-together on my birthday, which was amazing! We mostly chatted and ate snacks, and I had a good time. I received multiple pairs of socks, including a Star Wars set from a fellow Star Wars fan. (I am proudly wearing a pair of socks from that set even as I write - probably one of my favourite birthday presents!)
I did receive presents from my family; my mum and dad got me several books, and Granny, Jenny, and Sally pitched in to get me a new rucksack, which can fit a lot of stuff. (My mum actually dropped off the presents from her and Dad in the rucksack!)
And another big highlight of November: I spent the day with an old friend, who I haven't been able to see in years! She lives in France, but she came to England to visit, stopped by in Oxford, as she'd never actually gotten the opportunity to explore, and texted me out of the blue to ask if I'd like to meet up. We did meet up, and we had a good time looking at museums and roaming around Oxford - it was wonderful to catch up!

Pals enjoying bubble tea on a chilly winter day!


One of the books I received for my birthday was a collection of Miss Marple stories, which my parents found in a charity shop. I got three postcards free of charge as well; they were stuffed in the back of the book. Two were filled in - it seems that part of the book's journey involved being gifted as a Christmas present, in Pennsylvania, I think, in the 1980s! Then it finds its way across the Atlantic, to Oxford, and finally down to Reading, forty-odd years later. (The third postcard is currently blank, and I intend to write in it and send it to a friend. Whoever ends up receiving a forty-year-old postcard, you have been forewarned!)
I also had a good time visiting Granny and Tessa for the third time this year, at the end of November - and it was great to see Sally, after her health scare. Tessa has a new ball, which she loves playing with and rolling around - I have several videos! 
As for lowlights of November, I'm not sure. Not being able to celebrate my birthday with family was a little disappointing, but not too bad. I did experience another mental health slump, which is life. But overall, it was a pretty decent month!

Birthday cake!


December
Man, every time I get to December on these summary blogs, I remember the 2019 blog, where I jokingly described December 2019 (the last month before Year of Covid) as 'a month of trials and tribulations'.
Which doesn't relate to December 2024, just a random comment. December 2024 has been pretty good. One highlight was graduating - I officially have a Master's Degree in Creative Writing! (I passed with distinction, by the way.) I got to graduate alongside a very good friend, who did the same course as me. I appreciated the opportunity to graduate alongside her, because she had her undergraduate graduation the December after the rest of us - so I'm glad for her that she got to graduate alongside some close friends this time! I also bumped into one of my undergraduate coursemates - she did a Master's in Diplomacy, and her ceremony was at the same time as mine! In fact, we lived together in our first year, and graduated together in our final - talking about coming full circle!
I've also thoroughly enjoyed Christmas, and spending time with family! Karys is back in the UK now, and she stopped by in Devon for a bit before coming back with us. Which meant that I had to stay with Sally the last couple of days of the visit, but I really enjoyed getting to spend a bit of extra time with Sally. We played one of my all-time favourite games, Splendor, which I got my own copy of for Christmas; it's also one of Sally's favourite games. She always enjoys playing board games, it was something she used to do with great-uncle Stuart. So it's something that brings us closer together and connects us to Stuart, which is nice.

The second time we've graduated together!









Me and my pals! (Ryan, the handsome man in the middle, did not graduate, but he was there to celebrate! Both of us, but mostly Rūta, his now-fiancee!)






Another big thing happened in December: I finally finished my Cosmere reread, the day before Wind and Truth came out! And...well. I guess, in a way, Wind and Truth was a bit of a lowlight of December. I won't give spoilers, as I have a friend who reads the blog and is reading Wind and Truth (and she's probably still only on chapter 10!) And I wouldn't say it's a bad book, it's great in a lot of ways, and I really enjoyed it. But in some ways, it was a little underwhelming. I guess partly that's just what happens when you spend over a year building up hype. But I do feel a little bit worried about the future of the Cosmere, from a narrative perspective - a lot of the complaints I've seen about Wind and Truth have also been directed at other Brandon books published recently. Though on the other hand, we have around a year until the next big Cosmere book, and another couple of years until the next one after that, so hopefully (fingers crossed), there'll be some change for the positive.

But, like I say, I enjoyed Wind and Truth overall, and I'm positive that the rest of the Stormlight Archive series will continue to be good, along with the rest of the Cosmere!
In a way, it's a good metaphor for life. This year's been a bit tricky, there's been rough spots. Sometimes you're not sure if the driver even knows themselves where they wanna go. But there's good stuff as well.
And, for me, the biggest thing about this year has been hope. I've been trying to find a job and housing, which is difficult and stressful. But, throughout it all, I've had hope that God has a plan for me. He has a plan for everyone, and that plan will work out. It feels strange, almost, to have that hope. That confidence, that optimism that things will work out.

And a thought I had the other day...yeah, God's plan involves pain and loss. But isn't that always the way of things? To create one thing, you need to end another. To enjoy happiness, you need to understand pain. What is a beautiful sunrise, to someone who's seen sunlight every day of their life, but another day? Conversely, to someone who's never seen it before, it's the most blindingly glorious thing they've ever witnessed. Love and loss, delight and pain, they define us, they make us what we are. I don't know if we could fully appreciate the good things in life without the bad. And I'm no theologian or Biblical scholar, but maybe that's part of God's plan - he wants us to experience life to its fullest, including all the bad things, so that we can enjoy the good things.
And maybe I'm just creating justifications. Who knows for sure? But this feels like as good a place as any to wrap up. 
My family always did a New Year's Eve tradition where we'd eat Chinese sweet and sour chicken and discuss the 'sweet' and 'sour' things about the year. So I invite you, dear readers, to consider the same. What have been some good and bad things for you, this year? And what are you looking forward to (or not looking forward to) next year?

Random stats:
-Fun fact: New Years' Resolutions can be trivial things, little goals you want to achieve throughout the year. So one of my resolutions is to collect a football t-shirt for every country I've ever visited. (I have England, Cameroon, CAR, and Kenya. Need USA, Germany, France, Scotland, Spain, and Italy next.) I encourage my readers to likewise come up with fun resolutions!
-Days until the wedding (Rūta and Ryan's): 5 months, 14 days. (Can you tell I'm very excited?)
-Number of friends who have gotten engaged this year: Four! Including two of my childhood friends!
-MA results: Passed with Distinction (72% on the dissertation!)
-Ranking of the Devon pack, in order of good behaviour: Pippa, Pippin, Marvin, Tessa. (The pack being our family's dogs...the Pips are lovely as usual, Marvin is his usual bossy self. Tessa is a lazy old lady who doesn't like going on walks if Granny isn't there, so she's at the bottom of the list.)
-Games of Splendor won: I won two games, Sally won the third. 
-Number of armchair-beds slept on over Christmas: One. Sally has an armchair in her office which can be converted into a bed...a surprisingly comfy and delightfully unique bed. She told me it might be a bit small, and I was expecting a bed where my legs would hang over the end. Nope - the arms of the armchair do not fold away, so you have bed-arms. Which is actually pretty comfy!
-An exciting piece of news, which came out only yesterday: Christi had her third child yesterday, an adorable baby girl called Salome Jubilee Prechter!! (I predicted that the new baby would be a girl from the moment I learned Christi was expecting!)

Sunday, 22 December 2024

December Already??

 Hello!

How is everyone?
I'm doing pretty well! I've had some ups and downs over the last few months. Which is life, really - but I'd like to think I'm doing a bit better now. 
So, yeah, the last time I wrote a blog, I was in Devon with Granny, Tessa, and Pippin. I had a good time. It was nice to see Granny and Tessa. Tessa's slowing down a lot now...visited in November, and poor Tessa's starting to moult and lose weight.

Sentimental old lady.

It has been a long time since the last blog! I kept meaning to write one, but I have been super busy - mainly with my dissertation up until September. (Which, yes, is no excuse for the last three months!)
If anybody can remember that far back, I mentioned in my last blog that I had a few big events coming up.
I decided to host meals for various friends. (It was two at a time; my kitchen was not big enough for a big crowd.) It was very fun, and we all had a good time!
Separate from the meals, I also organised a murder mystery party to celebrate the end of the academic year. That party was quite stressful to organise, particularly as it only dawned on me late in the planning process that, never mind the kitchen, my house wouldn't be big enough for all of us. I ended up renting out a room at my local church. (That is possible for non-wedding events, apparently!) I did quite enjoy the planning, though - especially as I had decided that my character would be the victim, so I went and asked a few of my friends if they'd be happy to murder me (!) The guy who ended up being the killer stated, upon being asked, that he wouldn't mind killing me (!!) Always nice to know who your friends are! (I ended up having multiple characters who were brothers so that I could do more than spend the evening pretending to be a corpse.)

The gang! Left to right, the front row is Walter Ivory, Isaiah Goldenrod, Joanna Sapphire, Alfred Canary (me!), Adeola Palatinate, and Briar Moss. Back row is Aldrich Sapphire, Michael Cinereous, Jonathan Merigold, Aoife Hickory, Cara Pine, Dr Dylan Carmine, Ada Cinerous, Ariadne Laguna, and the troublesome Jason Canary.

The murder mystery evening was really fun! Everyone had a good time - though there was considerable confusion over the timeline of the murder. (One or two people were under the impression that it happened the night before the party. It actually occurred during the party, but before the 'action' started)
One of my highlights was how utterly off-the-rails the more improv elements of the night went. By way of example, various character relationships wound up being totally different to how I'd envisioned them. For instance, two characters, called Adeola Palatinate and Ada Cinereous, were supposed to be close friends, with Adeola being concerned for Ada on account of her recent strange behaviour. Instead, upon their first interaction, Ada said, "Ew." Then, to my knowledge, the two did not interact in character again for the rest of the evening. It got to the point where Jason Canary's actor managed to actually gaslight me into changing the plot of the murder mystery! In the backstory, Canary was supposed to have committed a murder and persuaded the victim (and brother) to help cover it up; one of his goals was to persuade people that the victim committed that murder. What ended up happening was that when he told me that, I forgot all about that goal and assumed he was just taking the character in a different direction than what I'd originally planned.


We are all shocked that Jonathan is the killer. (Except me. For some reason, I look like I'm yawning.)

Another highlight was the ending summation. My (living) character was the Detective, so I got to stride around explaining all the case details. (According to Karys, who was invited, I looked like I was having a blast - which I absolutely was!) I structured the climax so that we'd all vote on who the killer was before explaining the solution. Almost everyone guessed Jonathan Merigold, who was best friends with Michael Cinereous, the secret son of the victim and half-brother of Ada Cinerous. Even Cinerous himself guessed Merigold as the killer! This meant that when I referred to Merigold and Cinerous as best friends, Merigold burst out, "Well, we're not best friends anymore!"
The conclusion, by the way, was that the victim was killed by Jonathan Merigold, sorta. The victim was on blood-thinning medication, and the victim and the murderer got into an altercation, during which the victim suffered a knock to the head. Overcome with guilt, both over attacking his son's friend and over the decades-past murder (thank you, Jason Canary!), the victim intentionally overdosed on his own medication, to protect Merigold.
Another fun thing was that, according to Karys, multiple people took the investigation in a meta direction and started discussing what sort of murder mysteries I liked to figure out which direction the plot would take—which I very much enjoyed hearing about! (For the record, I've gotten hooked on Christie, and she loves her poisons.)

Look at these cutie-pies. Love them so much.

I spent most of my summer working on my dissertation, which was long and difficult. In a weird way, I enjoyed it, though. The dissertation was 11,000 words of a story I've been working on, plus 9,000 words of a critical essay discussing the story. It certainly was fun to analyse my story! I've actually continued writing the story after finishing my dissertation, and I've been toying with the idea of including a snippet in my blog at some point. The premise of the story is that the main characters are trying to find their missing siblings in the aftermath of a terrible war, which results in them stumbling across a conspiracy to restart the war. 
However, the funny thing is that I got burned by my dissertation supervisor. The story's working title was Echoes of War, which he didn't like. When I mentioned that I got it from an Internet random title generator, he replied, "Yes, that's evident," or something similar. The new title is The Eleventh Interval, which I will concede is much better! The new title was inspired by music, of all things - a working title was Discordant Harmony (yeah...) Which got me thinking about discord and harmony as musical terms - different tones being in harmony or discordant. That, in turn, led me to discover intervals - in music, an interval is the relationship in tone between two differing notes created by the transition from one note to another. I'm not gonna go into all the music-theory details here, as that would be rather boring - but one example of an interval is the eleventh (or perfect eleventh), which is an unstable tone that invariably adds tension to otherwise-stable compositions before moving to a resolution. Which is designed to reflect how the events of the story creates tension in an otherwise stable(ish) political situation, before moving to a resolution. (It also hints that something like this has occurred before!)

Entirely unrelatedly, I saw a fox for the first time in June!! I was visiting Will and Hel to celebrate Neve's 7th birthday, and Neve had a big party. (Like the murder mystery party, the party was too big for a simple house to suffice - it was held at the local school instead.)
And I saw a fox lurking by some bushes! (Sadly, though I snapped 20-odd photos, the fox seemingly could tell it was being spied on, and it ran off.)

Think it might be a pretty young fox, actually!

One of the biggest highlights of this summer was visiting Stratford-upon-Avon with Josh right at the end of the summer. We had a really great time; we went on several walking tours of Stratford, and we visited the birthplace of the Bard himself! We also watched a bona-fide Shakespeare play: The Merry Wives of Windsor, which we very much enjoyed. Falstaff was a delightfully boorish and arrogant character. As it happens, there's a Falstaff Close...well...close to my parents' house. (Josh also kindly read over my dissertation and gave feedback - somewhat of a necessary evil in our holiday, as I had a week and a half left till submission at the time!) 
In the evenings, we watched Doctor Who, both being avid fans of the show - we watched The Tenth Planet (William Hartnell's final episode; featured on this very blog) and Tomb of the Cybermen, a Patrick Troughton episode.

Me and my bro!





Smooth criminal in the stocks. (In case you're wondering, Josh played the erstwhile Canary at the party...)

On the more negative side of things, I have had to endure many computer problems recently. It started with the shift key not working...while I was writing a twenty-thousand-word essay. Then, when that was fixed, my computer started switching off when plugged in. So I spent a frankly ridiculous amount of time going to the local computer repair shop. (Upshot, the latter issue was because of some sort of glitch that happened when they were fixing the keyboard, so that was free of charge! Very lovely people, no repair shop I'd rather be customer of the month for!) It did lead to a rather interesting incident one day; I popped by to check on computer progress, but the shop was closed briefly. While I waited, I witnessed a kerfuffle involving local police. As I walked away from the shop, two other people tried to get in - in hindsight, they likely wanted to hide in the shop. Why do I say that? Because one of them, a woman, found that the door was locked, turned to the other, a guy, and shouted to ditch the coat he was wearing and run. He did run, but he did not ditch the coat; he sprinted down the road and round the corner, closely pursued by two police officers. His partner in crime did not run and spent the next 15 minutes or so pleading with the remaining officer to let her go. (She also begged a passer-by for a cigarette, which is...skewed priorities at its finest!) It was actually quite sad...according to her, she was homeless, and she was desperate to avoid going back to prison. (She and her partner did steal clothes and food, but neither is an unreasonable thing to want in the autumn/winter.) 15 minutes into the conversation, the other police officers returned with the man, who was furiously insisting that he was totally innocent. (Belied by the fact that he saw the police and ran, which I, an innocent bystander, did not do. And also his partner immediately confessed.) I didn't see how the situation ended up playing out, as I had important meetings I needed to go to. (Also didn't get that update from the shop...)

I don't have a relevant picture, so have a spaniel puddle.

I have also spent a lot of time applying for jobs. Which is fun, in a way, but it also gets very tiresome after a while. I started properly looking in June, and I still have yet to get a job. I have had several interviews, which is good practice, if nothing else. I do currently have a good five jobs I'm gonna apply for, though, and I'm reasonably positive that I'll get something eventually.
I also attended a wedding in June - such things happen when you get to my age. It was good fun, and I enjoyed celebrating my friends and their relationship. On a related note, multiple of my friends got engaged at the end of October - very, very exciting!! I'm not part of either wedding party, but I don't mind, because I still get to celebrate with my friends. (And I shall bake many, many baked goods, and I will be known as The Baker.)

Me with the wonderful young woman who helped proof-read the blog!


Good times with good friends!


This is probably one of my favourite pictures from the wedding, the sun hits us perfectly.


I have visited Granny several times since the last blog, which was lovely! I went once in the summer, towards the end of July, and again at the end of November! (And I'll be going again at the end of December...come to think of it, every time I've visited Granny this year, it's been at the end of a month!) The summer visit was very fun - one of the biggest highlights, for me, was walking up Rippon Tor with Granny and Sally (and the dogs, of course!) I always love walks on Dartmoor - it's a beautiful and scenic place.
The only lowlight was that I got a rejection email from a job I'd applied for while on holiday - but I didn't let that get me down too much.
I also enjoyed visiting in November - I got to spend lots of quality time with Sally. I very much enjoyed that - she had a health scare earlier in the year, and she spent some time in the hospital. She's recovering now, though, and she was able to join me and Granny on a walk on Dartmoor. We also watched Paddington 3 in the theatre while I was visiting; the movie was very good! (I cried. Repeatedly.)


The old ladies at the top of Rippon Tor (this does include Tessa and Pippa)



So, that's been a few of the highlights of the last few months! (Well, eight months!) It's been mostly pretty good, but there have been a few rough patches. I moved into a new house over the summer, and my new housemates are really nice, funny people. I have felt a bit lonely, as I don’t see much of my housemates, and most people are busy with work nowadays. But I’m mostly feeling pretty positive about my future – I’m confident that I’ll get a job soon, and there’s definitely a lot to look forward to over the coming months! I’m entering a new chapter in my life – and I’m getting to cheer on two of my dearest friends as they start a new chapter of their own!!

How have you guys been these last eight months? What have been some of your highlights?

Random stats
-Degrees completed: 2!!
-Words in my dissertation: 21,633 words(!!)
-Visits to Devon: 3 (soon to be 4!)
-Job applications made: Many (Seven just to the University of Reading alone!)
-Words of story written so far: 21,000 or so
-Weddings attended: 1
-Years this blog has been active for: 6
-I found this hilarious blog the other day...just try to not laugh!
https://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/11/dogs-dont-understand-basic-concepts.html 

Thursday, 11 April 2024

Rhythms of Joy

 Hello, everyone!

I hope everyone's doing well!

CU Getaway 2024!! (Yeah, Word Alive got cancelled, so we improvised)

So, this blog's been in the works for a while, for a deeply personal reason.
Brace yourselves...
I couldn't come up with a good title. That's it. (That, and I wanted to wait till the end of term for a more succinct blog.)
So yeah, the last year or so's been pretty turbulent. A lot of the time, when a blog's been delayed recently it's been because of mental health issues, or because the blog in question addresses something I'm not ready to talk about. So the blog being delayed for a stupidly mundane reason like titles is just a really nice change.
The title, as it happens, is based off the Stormlight Archive - there's a species of sapient humanoids in the book called Singers, who communicate by humming rhythms in tune to what they're feeling - so humming to rhythms of joy, anger, distaste, amusement, and so on. (They do also communicate verbally!) And, well, I'm generally feeling pretty good at the moment! The journey isn't over, not by a long way, but I'm making progress - and in the great journey of life, the journey is important.

This is what they look like, by the way

Overall I've had a pretty good year so far! 
I returned to Reading for the start of term at the beginning, refreshed and rejuvenated. I then had a shift at work on the very first day of term. It was a good shift, though!
So, January, for the most part, was fairly calm - I had MA work and job work, and it was fairly chill. I did get two assignments back - one was upper second class, and the other was first class! 
One of my highlights of January was visiting my cousins - Uncle Will was in a pantomime performance of Sleeping Beauty that weekend, and I went to watch. The performance was on Saturday, but I arrived a couple of days earlier. I got to surprise Neve and Huw by meeting them after school on Thursday! The panto was also very good, a very fun performance! We also celebrated a family birthday on Friday - Neve and Huw's eldest cousin, on Helen's side, turned eleven. It was a good party! We had Harry Potter on in the background for much of the party, which was both amusing and enjoyable.
I also started counselling in January!! It's been very fruitful, and my counselor is a very lovely person!
Another big event in January was that I got to treat my wonderful mother for her 52nd birthday - I took her out for a meal at Bella Italia. The rest of the family also came - and in fact, my parents joined me at church, which was nice.
I love my parents, they're great.
(Karys is lovely as well...!)

Old picture

I also made a smidge of progress with finding housing for next year! I met up with a group of first-years who had an unexpected vacancy appear, to see if we'd be a good fit. (Well, three of them were out, so...) It was good fun, and we got on well. Though their prospective house is a long way away from church and from most of my Reading-based friends, so not sure if I'd decide to live with them.
I actually spent a fair portion of the beginning of February at home! My dad was abroad in Nigeria from 29th January to 11th February; great-aunt Sally visited during dad's first weekend away. I am not one to pass up opportunities to spend time with Sally (or Pippa), so I came home for the weekend, then went back to Reading. The following weekend was both the first weekend of reading week and when my dad came back, so I came back home again to see my dad, which was very nice.
I came back to Reading on Valentine's Day, which is still just the average day for me. I did get to meet up with various friends over the next couple of days, which was very enjoyable! Three of my friends, who all live together, have recently adopted an adorable kitten called Gloves; I got to meet him! (And learned that he's very intelligent and knows how to climb onto people's shoulders...which I find incredibly nerve-wracking, because he's such a small baby right now.)

Such a gorgeous kitty!

The (second) Saturday of reading week ended up being astonishingly action-packed. I had a shift at work, which was four hours long in the afternoon. Then, at about 5, I headed into London with a group of friends to go to a Rend Collective concert. The concert was loud, but pretty fun. We also stopped for a bite at Nando's first. One of my friends accidentally stole my order, because apparently he usually has that order. He felt awful when he realised, but I found it pretty funny.
I spent much of February reading a fantasy series called Realm Breaker, by Victoria Aveyard - it's very good, I highly recommend it! (If you're a fan of Lord of the Rings, that is. It has a very similar style and pace to LOTR, so those who don't enjoy LOTR might not enjoy Realm Breaker either.)
The final book came out at the end of February. I read through it in about...a week or so? I really enjoyed it - a fitting end to the series!

Tis a good book.

One of my personal highlights of the start to this year was celebrating a friend's birthday - we went out for brunch with several of his closest friends. It was really great to celebrate him - he's a wonderful person and a brilliant friend, and a very wise human being. Also, he's doing a PhD in meteorology, which automatically makes him one of the smartest people I know. (I mean, all my friends are very, very clever. But doing an actual Doctorate is very impressive to me.) He's also officially a published author - he wrote a scientific article recently! 
We (me and Caleb) went to the Natural History Museum in London towards the end of March as well, which was lots of fun! He's been to the museum a lot (about ten times), so he's a very good tour guide!
I also met up with Josh for a catch-up at the beginning of March, which was really fun! It was initially going to be a coffee date, but scheduling conflicts pushed it to a lunchtime; it was really nice to spend time with him! 
I went home again for Mother's Day; this time, I cooked a meal for my mum! I did roast chicken, and it came out very good! Funnily enough, in addition to the family, we had one of my mum's gym friends round as well. (I also took the time to have an eye test done. No change there, still effectively blind in one eye and slightly less blind in the other.)

Me at the Natural History Museum!

Most of the rest of March was taken up with work on my MA, which has been growing steadily more intense. I have two portfolios due for the beginning of next term - one is 5,000 words, the other is 6,000. Which is why I'm writing this blog late on a rainy April evening.
I also had basically my last day at work, a few weeks ago. Whenever I try to select new shifts, the shift request gets denied, and I was planning to stop anyway April/May. So I decided I'd take whatever I could in March, and then that would be it. I've enjoyed work, though it's also been very hard! I am looking forward to new horizons! Speaking of which, in January, I had a meeting/interview with the director of a small charity based in Reading (his mum and mine are good friends, so we were put in touch through them!) We agreed that, come September, I could start a three-month internship with his charity, though he emphasised that, because the charity's too small to pay its employees, the internship would be about giving me experience and helping me to find other charities to work at. 
I also started rediscovering my love of reading multiple books at once in March! Part of that is re-reading the collected works of Brandon Sanderson - specifically, all those which occupy the same shared universe, known as the Cosmere. It's a long list. It's in preparation for the release of the fifth book in the Stormlight Archive series (in December!!) In fairness to me, there's a lot to read, so I kinda need to start as early as possible. I also read Babel, by R. F. Kuang, which was very good, and very thought-provoking. I recommend it!
I also visited my godfather and his family, with Karys and my mum and dad. It was nice to catch up with them! We went on a walk initially, which both of James' daughters dipped on - one was ill, the other busy. Then we came back to their house, ate supper and played a couple of games - a casual day with them. (James and my mum grew up together - they were childhood best friends, until my dad replaced James as my mum's best friend! Still very close friends, of course.)

Me and Karys on the way home!

Tragically, Word Alive was cancelled this year. However, our enterprising CU Committee improvised - we had a CU getaway instead! The getaway was in Essex, near the coast - so, kinda on the opposite end of the UK from WA! It was very fun! I found the seminars interesting - they were all about our identity in God and His plans for us. We also had activities like climbing and archery. The climbing wasn't great for me...I'm not good with heights, especially when balancing on small ledges. I did get to be a photographer for the others, which was good fun. Archery was much more fun for me - I'm surprisingly good at it, considering that I have multiple different conditions which would make firing an arrow difficult. We also had a karaoke night on the final night. I did OK...but I'm really regretting that I only did one song, and that I was quiet in that song. It was very fun, though, and lots of people had a go - including a few I didn't think would have the confidence for it! Worth noting that all involved, myself included, were very good! 
After the getaway, I came home for a few days, then came down to Devon to see Granny. On Easter Sunday, we ate roast lamb at lunch, and Sally joined us for the roast and for games after - it was lovely!
Campfire night at the getaway!

So, yeah - it's been a pretty good year so far! I really do feel like I'm finally starting to do better. It's not all perfect. I went without antidepressants for a bit just before the getaway, which resulted in me being a wet blanket and generally not fun the first couple of days. And I don't want to be like that, with or without antidepressants. It's an incentive to continue trying to improve mentally, to continue trying to do better. Strength before weakness.

I am still anxious about the future, what lies ahead - I'm scared of uncertainty. But right now...reflecting on the past couple of months, listening to the rain and Tessa whuffling in her sleep, anticipating the next couple of weeks, that fear feels distant, as remote as the stars in the sky. I feel content right now. And it doesn't matter what happens next, it doesn't matter how long that lasts, what matters is that moment was there. There's no taking away loved.
And I do have some fun stuff happening over the next few weeks - I shall keep you updated in the next blog!
Until then, I invite you guys to consider - what's been good in your lives recently? And what are you looking forward to?

And also with adorable dogs, cause why not?

Random stats
-Fun fact: I was planning to write a blog about the Cosmere! But I decided that it really would not be interesting to most people. (Also, it got so long and complex it made my head spin...which sealed the deal.)
-Progress on the Cosmere readathon: Have read Tress of the Emerald Sea, Yumi and the Nightmare Painter, and The Sunlit Man - all released 2023, very good books, I recommend them all! Am now reading the short story Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell. Honestly, you should read that for the title alone (and it's a good story as well! Can be found in the anthology collection Arcanum Unbounded!)
-Books read: See above, and also Why Didn't They Ask Evans, Babel, and the Realm Breaker series. I also read the Red Queen series and re-read the The Locked Tomb series, both of which are very good!
-Dogs walked: a lot, over the year so far. Pippin, naturally, and Tessa, Pippa, and Marvin. Also cousin Emily's dog Lyra, and Emily's partner's dog. I've also walked with the Braggs' dog George (Alby, sadly, died a while ago), and Rodney and Coral, a rottweiler and a lurcher who belong to one of my mum's friends.
-Easter Eggs consumed: One, and assorted chocolates :D
-Climbing walls climbed: One and three-quarters, which is pretty impressive, for me.
-Kitties petted: three! There was Gloves, and there's a friendly cat near where I live. I also saw Oreo the other day - he's quite hefty now! Still not overweight, just large.
-Here is the future Dr. Miller's first article! Go read it!
https://doi.org/10.1002/qj.4680

Monday, 1 January 2024

2023: A Summary

Hello!

How has 2023 been for everyone? Mine has been long, difficult, and very, very exhausting. In a lot of ways, it's been very similar to 2018, which I will freely admit was probably one of the most difficult years of my life. (In case you're wondering, this has mostly been represented to me by my insecurities smacking me in the face repeatedly while screaming, 'Hey! You remember 2018??) So yeah, that's been my year. Not, of course, that there haven't been good times!
January
January 2023 was pretty good. I encountered hurdles towards the end, though. Most of January was just...me focusing on work. I did an online course with a Christian organisation on activism, which was pretty good. The highlight, though, was probably reading my way through Brandon Sanderson's doorstopper Stormlight Archive, which is very, very good! I enjoyed it a lot! 
Lowlight...hard to say exactly, because it's quite personal. Suffice it to say that I did something very reckless, which caused a lot of distress to people around me. Which led to difficulties all round. But it's mostly resolved now, which is good!
Of course, I also missed out on an opportunity to go to Sweden, as I had assignments, which was another lowlight.

A lovely family holiday in Sweden! Which I was not present for.

February
February was very difficult for me. I suffered a very severe slump in my mental health, probably the worst I've ever had. And that's my lowlight for the month. 
The highlight, though, was getting to spend time with my family - Karys came to Reading and we had takeaway pizza on Valentine's Day (the Day of Love is for all types of love, people!) I also spent a very restful reading week at home with my mum. Especially restful because I finished the first draft of my dissertation at the beginning of the week, so we mutually agreed that the rest of the week could be relaxation.

Another highlight: celebrating a friend's birthday at Kaspa's, Reading!

March 
March was a pretty chill month, mostly just working on assignments and hanging out with friends. Well, I say pretty chill. I had about three assignments due throughout that month, so I was pretty stressed!
On the other hand, a highlight was that I was starting to do a lot better after the slumps of January and February. I also came to a few important realisations about myself - the most significant, for me, was reaffirming my faith in God. Over the last few years, I've struggled with my faith a bit, but during the hard times in January and February, I found Him closer than ever before, and when I felt like giving up, He was there, encouraging me to stay strong. (I actually delivered a testimony at CU where I talked about this, and afterwards multiple people came up to me to say how encouraging they found it, which was also very nice!) 

Studying with friends!
April
Where to start with April? First I had Word Alive, which was a great opportunity to spend time with friends. Then I got to spend time with Granny and my great-aunts in Devon, and it was great to see them. I also enjoyed the opportunity to see Tessa, Pippa, and Marvin. Then I submitted my dissertation - woohoo!! Then two of my friends got together - and they're just the absolute cutest couple. (Fun fact: I, along with everyone else, predicted them getting together!) I also got accepted for an MA in Creative Writing at Reading (and Oxford Brookes) In short, April was a month full of highlights!
I guess one lowlight was the assignments I had in April, cause they got super stressful. (I had a 3,000 word essay due for three days after the dissertation. I barely got it done. The entire experience was excruciating.)
Another lowlight of April was that one of my oldest friends got married (on April Fool's, natch) and I couldn't go because it clashed with Word Alive. So that was a pity.

Family picnic on Dartmoor!
May
Now, May was 'fun'. Very 'fun'. By which I mean exams, the bane of any student's existence. Exams were extremely stressful, especially the Cold War one. Perhaps somewhat egotistical of me, but I'm fond of my description of that exam: 'Like, imagine having a concoction of salt water and lemon juice poured into an open wound. Except worse.' About sums it up. The next (and final) exam went a lot better, though!
I'd say the highlight of May was finishing my exams - and with them, officially finishing my undergraduate degree!

Library in sunset...oooh, symbolic!
June
Obviously, the highlight was going to America - and so many highlights just in that! Seeing the Festens, getting to meet Christi's husband and children, exploring Chicago, going to my first baseball game, witnessing first-hand just how big America is! I had an amazing time in America, loved every second! America's a very interesting country, and its sheer size is mind-boggling and fascinating, and I would very much be willing to go again. (Heck, just travelling to America - my first time flying on my own - was an exciting new experience!)
I guess one lowlight of June, though, was that I had initially planned to go to America a full week earlier than the rest of the family. However, other events back in England conspired to cause me to only be able to fly out half a week before. But that's not that big a lowlight, all things considered.

The gathered Murrell-Festen-Prechter gang, plus Miss Becky!

July
One of the biggest lowlights of July was leaving America and saying goodbye to the Festens. I had a great time, and it was sad to leave.
On the other hand, July had some highlights. I graduated, woohoo!! I also attended the wedding of another old friend, which was a lovely ceremony and a wonderful opportunity to celebrate. I also celebrated the birthday of a very dear friend - it was great to spend time with her and with mutual friends!

At Fourth of July fireworks!

August
August was another month of highlights. One of the biggest was getting to attend another friend's wedding, which was amazing! It was so lovely to celebrate my friends and their union! I also travelled to Devon to spend a week with Granny and great-aunt Sally and great-aunt Jenny; it was really nice to catch up and spend time with them! There was also Forum, which was great! I especially enjoyed the opportunity to spend time with other Christians, both in my CU and in other CUs!
On the other hand, a lowlight was that I was struggling with a few personal things throughout that month, which made it a bit difficult at times. (Though that did prompt a highlight of the month, as I talked to Granny about it; talking through it to someone really helped me, and Granny really appreciated that I was willing to share details of my life with her.)

The happy couple!

September
September was a very good month - I started my MA in Creative Writing! I'm enjoying the MA a lot, I really feel it's going well! I also got my first job! It's a job with campus, working on the bars at an on-campus pub called Park House. It's enjoyable, but also very tiring.
I visited Neve and Huw as well, and we went to the zoo, which was wonderful! (I got to feed a giraffe!) At the end of September, a friend organised a big get-together at his house, and we had (indoors) BBQ, which was great!
It's difficult to think of a lowlight for September. One would be that my MA did get off to a bumpy start, and I initially struggled to get my bearings. I guess another would be that I was struggling with my mental health again in September.

The BBQ was a lot of fun!
October
October was...October. It was pretty busy, stressful at times, but also good. One of the highlights, though, was SEBWA! It was lovely to spend time with fellow Christians! I especially enjoyed the fact that SEBWA gave me an opportunity to grow closer to God as well. I've also enjoyed my MA - for one of the modules, I got to visit the University of Reading Special Collections archive and look through manuscript drafts of old poems by the poet Ian Fletcher! It was very interesting, though the work of transcribing the poems for my assessment was deeply tedious. (Especially as I had to transcribe them twice - once onto paper, then creating a digital edition of the transcriptions.) Fun fact: Ian Fletcher is the reason the Special Collections exist - he gathered old manuscripts and letters and such and stored them in an archive!

Enjoying a pumpkin spice latte with Josh!

November
November was a great month! One highlight was having Granny and Sally come to visit for my birthday; I enjoyed the chance to catch up and spend time with them! It was also nice to see Tessa and Pippa, who are as adorable as ever.
I also celebrated with friends - I went out for drinks with a small group of friends on the day of, and then I went to Kaspa's with a larger group of friends a few days later. On the same day, my parents finally made progress on their Thames walk: they walked from Pangbourne to Reading, and I joined them, which was both fun and tiring! They came to Kaspa's as well, so they got to meet several of my friends! Chris and Marina baked me a cake for my birthday as well - very kind of them! 
As for lowlights - 2023 has been a long, tiring year. I spent half of November in a state of stressed exhaustion because of how emotionally tiring this year has been. So that wasn't great.

What a beautiful world we live in!

December
One of the highlights of December is that, emotionally, I've been more stable than I've been since probably July. Adding on to that, it's been absolutely wonderful to relax over Christmas, spending time with family, seeing some friends from home, and just generally slugging on the sofa. (I've been looking forward to that since October!) I especially enjoyed getting to see Neve and Huw on Christmas Day. It was a big gathering - we had Granny as well as me, Karys, and my mum and dad, and then Hel's side of the family came over in the evening. 
We (me, Karys, Granny, and my mum and dad, and one of Karys' friends from work) did an escape room on Wednesday as well, which was fun - we got out in 44 minutes! 
Lowlights of December - one pretty big one. When coming home, I forgot my antidepressants, which meant that I started running low, and I got quite anxious and stressed out, partly by work, partly over friendships. Not that anything majorly bad had happened, my brain's just silly.

The escapees!

So, 2023 is at an end. It's been a long, exhausting year. I'm glad it's over, frankly - now onto new horizons! From the start, this year has been symbolic for me - exactly five years on from 2018. I hoped, at the beginning of the year, that it would be a better year than 2018 was. I don't really think it has been - but neither has it been worse than 2018. If anything, I'd describe it as more intense than 2018. My struggles this year have felt far more difficult than anything I had to deal with in 2018 (excepting Nana's death, as I luckily did not lose anyone this year!) But the good stuff in my life this year has been better than in 2018. In 2018, I made new friends - the first I'd made since the bullying started. In 2023, I learned - repeatedly - how important I am to my friends. One thing that stands out to me is at Forum, during social time, I wandered off on my own feeling all lonely. And one of my friends in second year, she followed me, all the way from our section of the campsite, to check I was OK. That meant, and means, a lot to me - especially because I didn't realise until that moment that she actively considers me a very good friend, even though we're two years apart.
I'm also delighted to have borne witness to my friends making big steps into the adult world - graduating, getting jobs, getting married. I get to be an active part in the lives of these amazing, clever, lovely people that I am privileged to call my friends, and I get to see them excel. That's...worlds away from the lonely, isolated, out-of-the-loop Robert of 2018.

I've spent a fair bit of the year dwelling on the negatives of this year - even though there have been loads of highlights. Writing this blog, I've found it just as easy to see the highlights as I found it easy to see the negatives earlier in the year. I think there's something in that - it can be easy to focus on the negatives of life, but also surprisingly easy to focus on the positives. You will be warm again - and the very act of remembering that you will be warm can help. Or, to put it another way, 'Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the lights.' Personally, I've always disagreed somewhat with that statement, because the whole point of mental illness is that it can make you incapable of switching on that light, so to speak. But I finally understand - even in the darkest times, focusing on the good things will work wonders. It won't solve everything - but it will help. Sometimes we just need help, that's all - whether that help comes from friends and family, from God, from medicine, or even from movie adaptations of a children's book series.

Something else that I've thought about is the progress I've made this year in terms of my mental health...or lack of progress, as it feels sometimes. I still suffer from massive insecurity regarding friendships. And it's something that still plagues me. There's stuff that happened earlier this year that still bugs me, months and months later, and it annoys me so much, because I'm supposed to have let it go by now. But I drew comfort from - where else - Doctor Who. Because the Doctor is an immensely traumatised individual, to absolutely nobody's surprise. And, minor spoiler alert, the 2023 specials end with the Doctor essentially retiring for a bit to live a normal life and recover from all his trauma, and the Christmas special jumps forwards to a point in the Doctor's personal timeline when he's no longer as burdened by everything he's been through. But, and here's the thing: the Fifteenth Doctor is still burdened. The things he's gone through haven't stopped affecting him, he's just...better able to cope with them. I guess I can see the similarities to my situation - I'm not inferior or stupid for still being affected by what happened in 2018, or for the fact that events in 2023 have so easily reminded me of 2018. It'll take time, and even when it has taken time, the scars will still be there, and that's natural. Moral of this blog for all you peeps out there struggling with mental health issues: you are not bad for not completely letting go of your trauma, because it's something that stay with you regardless, whatever form that takes. And all the scars show is that you survived. You took the hardest things life's thrown at you, and you stayed strong, and now you're rising beyond them, step by step. You've chosen life over death and strength over weakness, and even though progress might seem slow - it's the journey that matters, not the destination. And know that I am proud of you, wherever you are, and that we have an almighty Father who is infinitely proud of us, infinitely loving, and He cradles us in His hands, even when it might feel like we've been abandoned. He walks beside us, and when we can't walk any more, He carries us, and He will never, ever forsake us.

Random thoughts:
-2023, in the MCU, is when the final battle against Thanos occurred, closing out the Infinity Saga. Fun times!
-Assignments completed: two, more or less. Woohoo!
-Dogs walked over Christmas: Just two, sadly.
-New Years Resolutions:
    -I will take responsibility for my actions, and if I must fall, I will rise each time a better man.
    -I will be there for my friends if and when I am needed.
    -I will try to work past my insecurities.
-One thing I'm looking forward to in 2024: Finishing uni. And another two of my friends are getting married in June, so that's super exciting!
-I am also looking forward to more counselling!
-Games of MarioKart won: Exactly one.
-Christmas dinners consumed: Two. (We had one with roast beef at Will and Hel's, then another with traditional turkey on Boxing Day.)
-Current books read: Have once again just finished Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. I've also finished The Little Friend, by Donna Tartt, which is pretty good, but not, I would say, as good as her other two books.

I leave you with this wisdom from one of the wisest, kindest men I know: 'Not more, more, more, but better, better, better.' What's something that you hope for in 2024? What do you hope will be better?